Letting Go

Donna

A Journal Entry
By Donna Boyle
2000

 

The following was documented during an active imagination session.

“Active imagination is a technique devised by Jung for direct interaction with the unconscious through a controlled imaginal state while one is awake.” from The Jungian Experience by James Hall, M.D.

What is letting go?  What does it mean?  What do I need to do to let go?  How will it feel to let go?  How will I know when I finally let go?  Will it hurt to let go?  What will letting go feel like?  Do I know how to let go?

Letting go would feel like……

I see myself dangling over a cliff.  I’m holding onto a rope.  When I look down I see nothing, just black.  I feel strong holding onto this rope.  Like I could hold on to it forever.  Who needs to let go?  I’m just hanging.  But my arms are getting tired.  My neck is stiff.  My shoulders are tight.  My back is stretching too much.  My feet don’t feel grounded.  I’m still hanging.  My hands are starting to hurt.

I’m looking into the darkness below more and more. I start to wonder, what’s down there?  Am I afraid of it?  Is it cold, dark and scary?  Is anyone else there?  If I let go will I just keep falling and falling, never stopping?  Will everything I know in this holding place disappear?  This place I am in up here, will it look the same down there?  If down there is the place to go, how come everyone else is up here?  Everyone else?  My friends?  Is anyone down there?  Is it safe?  Is it soft?  Will anyone look for me if I fall down there?  Will anyone come after me?  Or will I forget them?  Will I leave them for good?  Or worse, would I miss them and be more alone down there with no one else?  Is there anyone else down there?

Hello!  I’m still dangling.  I’m wondering if anyone else is dangling too.  Would they fall with me?  Do I need anyone to fall with me?  What if I just let go of the rope?  What if I opened my eyes wide, looked down, no stared, into the darkness, and just let go of the rope?  Let’s talk more about that.

I’m holding the rope?  No, the rope is wrapped around my wrists.  How can I let go?  Who’s holding onto me?  I think I can easily remove my wrists out of the loop, and hold onto just the ends of the rope.  The knot is not that tight.  I’ll release my wrists.  Now I am holding the rope.  I am in control of the letting go.  I can see that before I was not.  My feet are starting to move, wiggle, and starting to get ready to land.  My waist is moving.  My lower back is loose.  I’m getting ready for the impact of landing.  My head is looking down.  I can see some light now.  I can start to feel warmth on my feet.  I’m starting to sense voices, comforting voices.  Understanding voices.  I start to listen to them.  Become more aware of them.  I’m starting to feel less scared.  All my knowledge is coming to me.  The light is getting brighter.  The voices louder, but they’re not yelling.  They are coming together.  Saying the same thing.  I struggle to hear what they are telling me.  But I am too far away to hear it.  I know the only way is to let go.  Then I will hear clearly all they are saying.

Once I am down there, I can help others who are afraid to let go.  But first I have to get down there myself.  So I continue to look.  Feeling more heat and the light is getting brighter.  Feeling a sense of compassion for myself, a sense of forgiveness for myself and for others, a feeling of love for me, a different kind of love, one that holds no judgment, holds no fear.  It is possible.  That can happen.  I can feel this way for me and for others.  So I continue to look.  In fact, I stare down, letting the light and sound resonate up to me and through me.  So much so, that I want to be a part of it.  I want to join my energy with theirs, my light with theirs.

Now all is light.  My hands are getting warm.  My entire body is starting to tingle.  One finger lets go.  Another finger.  Keep looking at the light, feeling the warmth.  Another finger, my face is lit up.  A smile is now on my face.  One hand only is holding on now.  One arm is free!  And it is swinging side to side.  It feels good to let go of that rope.  My arm is no longer holding on.  My shoulder is free.  It’s my left arm.  I’m happy.  It’s OK.  I feel like I can let go of my other hand.  I keep staring down.  Will anyone, someone catch me?  No, I think I will just land.  I will plant myself, firmly on my new ground.  The dirt, the earth, will be warm and moist.  Ready for new growth.  My new growth!  The sun will be shining brighter than before.  I will be “seeing” so much more clearly.  I can’t wait to let go of the other hand!

There are butterflies in my stomach.  My chest is tightening.  I’ve got to breathe deeper.  I know how to do this.  Release the jaw.  Breathe.  Wiggle my toes.  Breathe.  Deeper, full breaths.  Smiling again.  Remember what’s down there.  Nothing to be afraid of.  All your life you have been waiting for this moment.  Lately you’ve felt it coming.  You’ve been working hard towards this release.  You deserve all that is coming to you.  All that is coming to you, you will receive.  You will be open to it.  Open your heart.  Surrender.  Release!

One finger, the light is brighter.  Two fingers, it’s warmer.  Three fingers, I can hear what they are saying.  Four fingers, I’m still breathing.  My last finger, my pointer finger.  I’m dangling.  My body is loose.  Ready, set, GO.  Release.

My body falls straight down, feet first.  More light, more warmth, more sound filling my body.  Here I go, still falling, still dropping.  I let go.  I’m surrendering.  I’m letting it happen.  There’s no more need to fear what is down below me.  I’m not hanging anymore.  I’ve arrived.  Still falling.  It’s very free.  I haven’t seen or felt the bottom yet.  Still my body falls, straight down.  Feet first still.  Arms above my head.  Very free and loose.  It feels good.  I am receiving the breeze as I fall.  It’s so bright.  This feels really good.  What could feel better than this?  I’m free falling.  It’s warm, but cool as the wind rushes past my hair.  I look up and all I see is light, bright, white light.  I am surrounded by this bright, white, healing light.  I know this light is created, generated by others.  Others who are sharing their light, surrounding me in their light, holding me in their light.  I feel very safe in this light.  I am whole in this light.  I could fall like this forever.  It is finally so free.  I feel finally free.  Could I feel this forever?  I don’t want this feeling to end!

It feels “ok” to be alone here.  It feels safe knowing others are holding me with light.  I’m starting to slow down.  It’s still bright.  The air still warm.  My arms coming down to my sides.  I’m slowly coming to a stop on the ground.  It’s still very bright.  I’m looking around.  I’m starting to see green grass, blue sky.  There are flowers.  The sun is out.  There are big fluffy white clouds in the sky.  I’m home.  I’m on the earth.  Right where I started.  Nothing has changed but “me”!

I let go.  I fell.  And I was held all the way down.  The earth caught me.  It supported me.  Other people and their light held me.

I’m lying here in my bed, in my house, writing on this pad.  My eyes are tired.  They saw a lot today.  My arms are relaxed.  They let go of a lot today.  My legs feel good.  They held me when I touched down.  I want to feel this forever.  I can and will feel this forever.  I am free, light, comforted, supported and grounded.  “I am filled with light, love, compassion, gratefulness and forgiveness.  I AM!

Donna and the Yeti

CONNECTING WITH SPIRIT TO ACHIEVE POSITIVE CHANGE